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Things are getting ugly in the Madonna-Guy Ritchie divorce, and I’m not talking about Madonna’s too-buffed arms!

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Left: Madonna, 10/6/08     Right: Buddy Holly, circa 1958

“Woo-ee-oo, she looks just like Buddy Holly”

Monday night in NY city, the queen of pop, Madonna, wore a pair of eye glasses very similar to those worn by the late Buddy Holly. I guess her eye-site isn’t what it use to be? She did just hit the big 5-0!

The vision is usually the first thing to go; but, Madonna letting age slow her down? - That’ll be the day!

Only Madonna could age backwards! Soon she may actually be a material-girl again? According to the Mirror, Madonna has re-invented her age. Today, what would be her 50th birthday is now her 36th.

The way to Madge’s fountain of youth is Kabbalah. Kabbalah high priests “using ancient techniques known only to a select few, calculated her spiritual age” by channelling Madonna’s energy.

Going by Kabbalah math, that makes 11 year old daughter Lourdes- an infant; and younger brother Rocco-still to be conceived? Adopted son David Banda has yet to be dropped off at a Malawian orphanage!?!

No wonder so may celebrity’s are into Kabbalah. That would put 46 year old Demi Moore at about 28 and make hubby Ashton 13, . . . that’s just wrong.

Things are about to get stickier if reports are true that Madonna has extended the invitation to Britney Spears to join the Material Girl on her upcoming ‘Sticky & Sweet’ world tour. The once lip-locked pair could create the concert event of the year, and it could get Britney’s music career back on track.

Choosing Britney to join the Sticky and Sweet tour seems like a no-brainer? Brit usually has sticky Cheetos-fingers, and a sweet Frappuccino in the other hand. In fact, it looks like Britney has been preparing for this tour for years! (more…)

With divorce rumors flying around quicker than a ray of light, Madonna’s mother-in law is speaking out saying that her sons marriage is not on the borderline, “because there is no divorce”, she says.  Hopefully Guy’s mum is not sugar-coating anything? She went on saying,

“They are no different to most other couples; We all know that being together can be hard sometimes and marriages are not always a bed of roses.”

Other “friends” have said the power couple plan to split after Madonna’s ‘Sticky and Sweet’ tour wraps in November. Guy Ritchie is reportedly heading to New York in one last-ditch effort to save his marriage.

It looks to me like they spend too much time apart. Guy should join Madonna on her tour, because, forget kabbalah, it’s music that makes the people come together! Remember that!

After saying that she wanted to “save Britney“, Madonna is now trying to give Tom Cruise’s tarnished image a much needed makeover. In doing so, she compares Tom to orphaned children in Malawi.

Sticking-up for Tom’s Scientology beliefs, Madonna told New York magazine “I don’t care if people worship turtles or frogs - if they’re good people, that’s all I care about, and he (Cruise) is a good person.

Maybe Tom should study Kabbalah? The ‘Evil-eye’ of Kabbalah feels more believable than the alien intergalactic ruler Xenu!

Madonna went on to say that Tommy ” gets a raw deal, just as I think the orphans in Malawi get a raw deal; just as I think a lot of marginalised people get a raw deal.”

Calling him marginalised sounds like a jab at his height. I guess its hard not to have fun with Tom?

There have been rumors swirling among media outlets that Madonna will star in a remake of Casablanca and that the new version will take place in Iraq instead of Morocco. Of course there is no need to remake such a classic, but if it does get the green-light I would watch it just to see classic lines re-done like:

” We’ll always have Baghdad.”

” Round up the usual Insurgents.”

” Play it again, Mohammed.”

” Of all the Hookah-joints in all the towns of all the world . . .”

This could be alot of fun. Hey, it cant be any worse than . . .

When asked about the intense media attention on Britney Spears by Yo on E!, Madonna said “They need to step off!” and re-invented herself into SuperMadge and added ” For real. . . Lets go save her.”

At once the Material girl swooped into action. Armed with more than music muscle, Madge has four other weapons in her arsenal.

 1) The Frappuccino-Trappuccino. It pumps out any left over Caffeine-addicted Starbucks gunk, and eliminates all Frap residue from the body.

 2) Madonna’s wearing her ‘Pointy Brassier of Truth’, which can block any negative and malicious lie the tabloids can throw at Brit.

3) Madonna is loaded with an arm-full of red Kabbalah bracelets to ward-off the ‘Evil-Eye’ of the paparazzi ( and persuade foolish people into spending ridiculous amounts of money on a red string.)

4) Like a Virgin Scrub. The scrub can wash off any previous bad behavior, nicotine teeth, crack-hands, Cheetos fingers, and return Britney to the squeaky-clean time of years past.

There’s a new drug sweeping through Hollywood and its not Botox. The Drug of choice is vitamin B-12 and its in more celebrity circles thank Crack! Monday night at the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame inductions; Justin Timberlake revealed the time when he was recording with Madonna and felt ill. Madonna, never one to turn down playing doctor, pulled out a zip-lock bag full of B-12 filled syringes and told Timberlake to “Drop Em”. Justin would later call it one of the “greatest days of my life!” (more…)

Monday night the Queen of pop, Madonna will be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame! No virgin to the music biz, her Madgesty will be inducted for 25 years of hard work. From Holiday to Hung-Up, the Material Girl has kept the world in the groove. Getting into the Rock and Roll Hall is much easier than getting into Baseballs Hall of fame! Madonna and the other four inductees do not have to pass a drug test or answer to a Congressional committee. In fact, the recording industry nearly applauds such a  lifestyle. (more…)