10 articles Articles posted in Paul McCartney

Heather Mills Gets a Haircut, is Still CrAzY!

by on July 11, 2009, 0 comments

heather-mills haircut

Heather Mills may be sporting a new haircut, but the witch with a capital ‘B’ is still one crazy chick!

Says Heather,

“I’ve got so many stunning girlfriends who can’t get a boyfriend. But when I go out, I get asked out all the time, and my girlfriends – who are better looking than me – say, ‘How the hell does that happen?!’ Maybe it’s because I’m comfortable with myself.”

Any guy who asks Heather out is just looking for a slice of the McCartney money! When people list what they look for in a woman, ‘Crazy’ is not at the top of the list.

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Heather Mills is Still Crazy!

by on April 21, 2009, 0 comments

heather mills Crazy crab

If I was awarded a lump sum of $33.6 million dollars; I would be as happy as a clam!

Heather Mills, on the other hand, is crabby that she didn’t get more money from her divorce from Beatle, Paul McCartney. A Beatle should never marry a Crab. Lesson learned.

Mills says, “I got five per cent of what we earned together in seven years. And we earned it together; I worked my butt off doing the tours and everything.”

Heather makes it sound like she was on stage playing with the band? All she was, was a glorified groupie!

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Paul McCartney’s Mac Attack

by on October 9, 2008, 2 comments

We now have an answer to the age old question, “Wheres the Beef?” The beef is between staunch vegetarian, Paul McCartney, and the McDonald’s restaurant in the former Beatles hometown of Liverpool.

The spat started when the local McDonald’s used McCartney’s image in its restaurant. Believing that the fast-food chain is trying to pull a fast one, Paul has asked everyone to boycott the burger joint.

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Paul McCartney is the Meat Nazi!

by on October 7, 2008, 1 comment

If you want to date Paul McCartney, your days as a carnivore will soon be numbered. Just like Paul’s first wife, Linda, and crazy second wife, Heather Mills; Paul’s new girlfriend, Nancy Shevell, has ditched eating meat only months after dating the ageing rocker.

A source close to Shevell says,

 ”Nancy has… given up her beloved steaks, which shocked us. When they traveled around America this summer, they lived on avocado sandwiches and tomato soup. Now Nancy orders veggie food all the time.”

Mmmm, Avocado sandwiches! I went vegetarian for a few months, but it didn’t take.

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The Ex-Files

by on July 22, 2008, 2 comments

Paul McCartney Ex-wife, Heather Mills, still thinks the public is interested in her.  To show the world the truth about her life, Heather helped launch the website Youcare.com. The site is supposed to shed light on the evils of the press and blames all of Heather’s crazy shenanigans on the negative tabloids.

In other news, Heather will also be starring in the new summer movie, The  Ex-Files: I want to believe . . . I’m still relevant!

I want to believe

Paul McCartney’s a Doctor, and I Feel Fine!

by on May 27, 2008, 0 comments

 Doctor Paul

John Lennon may have penned the song ‘Doctor Robert’, but it was Paul McCartney who received a Doctorate Degree from Yale University on Monday.

Paul’s official title is ‘Doctor of Music’. Maybe, M.D. McCartney can do something about the slumping music business?

Paul should really take a look at the MTV Network. That channel has been sick for awhile; they haven’t played any music on the channel in over a decade!

Paul could always join the cast of Greys Anatomy; with fellow doctors McDreamy and McSteamy, . . . McCartney, should fit right in!

Paul McCartney: Free as a Bird

by on May 13, 2008, 0 comments

Paul McCartney: Free as a bird

In answer to the question,”Will you still need me . . .when I’m 64?”, the answer was NO for Paul McCartney, as the aged Beatle was separated from estranged wife Heather Mills then. But Monday Sir Paul, now 65, can finally be free as a bird, as a London Judge has granted the former pair a Divorce decree. The divorce will be finalized in six weeks .

The divorce settlement of course wasn’t free; dodo, Heather Mills was awarded $33,000 for each day Paul and her nested. The once former lovebirds cant even be in the same room without arguing and pecking at one another.

Unfortunately for Paul, his cuckoo ex-wife will always be in his life because they hatched a little Chicky together; daughter Beatrice who is now 4.

Hopefully in time, Paul can take his broken wings and learn to fly-with his new bird!

Heather Mills : Waterboarder

by on March 19, 2008, 1 comment

Heather Mills: water boarder

In a move the Bush administration would approve,  Heather Mills poured a glass of water over the head of Ex husband Paul McCartney’s lawyer Fiona Shackleton after hearing the divorce settlement was far less than what she had wanted. Heather was led out of the court after the incident and told reporters on the steps outside that Fiona had been “baptised in court.”

Fiona Shackleton

Heather is really looking like an immature brat. The reason for the dousing she said was because Paul’s lawyer had called her “many, many, many names”, sounds like someone got their knickers in a bunch!

Even her father is embarrassed by her actions saying ”She has done very well representing herself in court. The settlement is a good one. What she was demanding was ridiculous. She should be set for life.”

I’m sure the U.S. Defense Department is very interested in Heather Mills. They could use an experienced waterboarder like her in Guantanamo! To view the court sketches of Water-Gate 2.o click here!

Got to Get you Out of My Life!

by on March 18, 2008, 3 comments

Paul McCartney monopoly money

It was a hard days night, but Paul McCartney has got to admit its getting better, as ex Heather Mills was only awarded $48 million dollars in their divorce settlement. $48 Million is a very small slice of Paul’s $800 million fortune. Finally Paul can say hellogoodbye to Heather and stop her from saying “you never give me your money.”

The low settlement, by Paul standards, is the equivalent of paying the Taxman or lovely Rita. Mrs Mills, the fool on the hill, fired her legal team and represented herself; that screams “I am CRAZY!” Paul, for his part, should have known better with a girl like her. With a multimillion ticket to ride, Paul is free as a bird to search across the universe and hopefully come together with real love! Whew! There’s more puns in this post than an Al Roker segment on Today!

The McCartney-Mills Showdown

by on February 11, 2008, 0 comments

mcartney-1.jpgThe long and winding road in the Paul McCartney-Heather Mills divorce proceedings lead to the door of London’s High Court Monday. The Divorce hearing which are scheduled for 5 days will determine how much alimony Sir Paul will have to pay his estranged wife. Heather, in true form, that is crazy as ever, fired her legal team late last year and is representing herself in the case. If Paul decides to testify, Heather could very well cross- examine him! Paul has reportedly offered Continue reading →