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People magazine has named Mario Lopez the ‘Hottest Bachelor’ for there upcoming issue. The former ‘Saved by the Bell’ star had to strip down to his bare necessities for the photo shoot,-only wearing a loin cloth. Mario said the experience made him feel “like Mowgli from the Jungle book”.

If he stays in shape he might make a run for People’s ‘Sexiest Man-Cub Alive’; a feat not to unusual for Mario, he was a Bayside Tiger for 5 seasons, after all!

After 48 hours of hard partying, punching a man in a bar, and headbutting another man, Amy Winehouse was arrested for assault. The 24 year old singer, yes-she’s only 24(don’t do drugs kids), could get six months in jail, which is the maximum sentence in London. I’m sure Amy could use six months behind bars; it might get her clean?

 I don’t feel bad for her at all. Who I really feel bad for is the guy she headbutted! Imagine seeing this ugly mug hurtling towards your face! She might be coke-skinny, but I’m sure her nasty beehive weights about 10 lbs. It probably felt like a bowling ball crashing into him!

There is only one person that can help Amy now, and that is Zack Morris! His quick wit and charm can melt the Meth off her face.

If he could get Jessie off Pills, he can ween Wino from her addictions.

“There’s no hope, with dope!”